So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
