maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
