pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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