I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
