took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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