so that wasnt chicken after all
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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