hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
