Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
