So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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