it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
