how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
