he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
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I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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