a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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