Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
