i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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