I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
