Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
