I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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