Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
