is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize