All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
