some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
