so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
this beer tastes like vomit already
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
