Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
