when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Randomize
