You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
where are my eyebrows?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
