What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
we're so committed to being not committed
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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