It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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