hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
even my farts smell like vagina
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Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
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I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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