Define "chronic" masturbator.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
