That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
