the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize