I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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