I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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