Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
