we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
