fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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