"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
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Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
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I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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