I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
