drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
