It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
