I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
