i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm passing your future prison.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
