So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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