I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
no, he came in my armpit
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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