you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
