Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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