Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
