you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
