I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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