im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize