Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
