she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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