is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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