theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
