It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
