maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
