I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
