hotel room ftw
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
