wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
