I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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