And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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