we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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