I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
