who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
