Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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