Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
