I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
