My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
