Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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