Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You are a genius and a whore.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
