Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
