I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize