I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
