Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
