She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I pour the whiskey from now on
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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