She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I forget how to act sober
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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