Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
